Are You Too Picky?
Are you too picky when it comes to dating? If so you could be the reason why you’re still single. Of course you deserve to meet someone lovely and spend the rest of your life with that person, but having sky-high expectations of meeting the perfect person means you could be passing up some great potential partners.
Signs you’re too Picky
It’s good to have standards but are you too picky?
If a couple of the following statements below sound like you then you may need to revaluate your approach to dating as it sounds as though you are too picky. Therefore, you could be sabotaging your own chances of finding and keeping true love:
You have a list of must-haves that define your dream partner even down to their hair colour, body type or height. You want the whole package or nothing. Nobody is perfect, not even you, so refusing to budge an inch is not a good dating strategy;
You view a profile and say they’re not my type. Yet you’ve just judged on their photograph or didn’t like their shirt or earrings. Photographs are moments in time and not everyone is photogenic. Clothing is arbitrary and can be changed. I changed my partner’s whole wardrobe after we were dating a few months. Remember, you’ve never met this person and have no idea what they are like and whether they could be right for you or not;
Your friends have said you are too picky when you refuse to meet worthy dates they try to set you up on. Deep down you know it’s true. I know friends like to play matchmaker and sometimes they aren’t good at it. But remember friends have your best interests at heart and wouldn’t set you up with a bad person;
You expect chemistry and all-out fireworks on a first date when in reality, chemistry can be a slow burn for quite a number of us. Attraction can come from getting to know someone as they reveal more about themselves over a few dates;
You are too quick to rule someone out on a first date and you haven’t had a second date in a long time. This is probably because you’re focused on little things and obsessing over a flaw. Newsflash, you have flaws too.
What the Experts Say
We all have an expectation of what our perfect partner should be like. For example, they should be tall, intelligent, have a sense of fun and adventure, be sporty and good-looking. Well, “dating is a two-way thing” says James Preece, a well renowned expert and dating coach who successfully coached some of our members now in long-term relationships. James goes on to say that “It’s okay to rule people out but you can’t expect to date a supermodel if you aren’t taking care of yourself”.
I agree with James. I see people come to our service with over-inflated expectations of what they are looking for. So, I will turn it around and ask them what they can bring to a relationship and why would someone want to have them as a partner? It gets them thinking about what they can offer a person. I don’t mean financially, I am talking about qualities and values – the fundamentals that any relationship able to stand the test of time is built on.
How we make a Match
We ask our members what they are looking for in terms of qualities and values. We conduct a personality trait test with them so we have an idea of who they are more likely to mesh with or not. Then we look at interests but we don’t expect them to match on every single one. We won’t match two people who like golf or surfing because there is much more to compatibility than that.
We then telephone both members we’ve matched and tell them about one another, withholding their private information of course. They both see each other’s profile complete with photographs. When they both agree to meet we give the male member the female member’s email address to arrange their date.
Sometimes people don’t know what they want
We do listen to what people would like in an ideal world. However, if we have a good match but there’s one thing that’s not quite what the member would like, we will always speak to them about that and let them decide. I had a member in her mid-30s who was single, never married. In her ideal world, she wanted to meet a single never married partner without children. She wanted to be the first to experience marriage and a family with him.
I called her and told her about a wonderful male member in his late 30s who was such a good match. But he had a young daughter. He wanted very much to have more children and get married. She agreed to meet him and I must say they are very much in love. She told me he’s wonderful and if she hadn’t accepted the match she would have made a terrible mistake. He sent me an email saying he didn’t know how I got it so right on the first match when he’d been trying for years and he was now falling in love.
So, it’s important to have some criteria but if you are too picky you could lose out on someone who could be so right for you, thus leaving you single for a long time.
We help people find love and our service works, there’s no doubt about it. However, it will only work for people who are open to meeting who we recommend. We’re proud to say that the majority of our members leave us happy having found love.
If you still have questions please contact us. We are always happy to have a chat. To contact us please go to our Connect page.
Author: Tara McDonnell, founder and owner of South Downs Introductions & Your Matchmaker. Tara is a trained & certified matchmaker from the Matchmaker Academy, London. She is also a proud award winner at the UK Dating Awards 2015 and a Finalist at the UK Dating Awards 2017 and 2016.